Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
