He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
