Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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