I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize