i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
