Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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