Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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