that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
