Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
FUCK WHALES
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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