She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
