And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
