You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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