My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
