I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize