I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
