I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You made out with two different species that night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
