I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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