Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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