remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
