that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I AM VODKA MAN
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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