may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
