youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
