i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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