Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize