I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
