A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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