Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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