I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
