I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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