I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
