just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
