just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
