...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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