Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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