So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
