why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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