yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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