Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
