You're so nebulous sometimes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
