the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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