1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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