my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize