i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
