If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
