This beer is not sobering me up at all
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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