Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
