btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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