He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
