I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
