i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My dick has a subreddit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
