wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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