I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I intend to get homeless drunk
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
