Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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