so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
