The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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