it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
