Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
