my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
