I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
