I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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