I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
