I think I am morally bankrupt
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
