she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
